whining


On the bus this morning on my way to work a woman standing down the aisle from me caught my eye – tall, blond hair neatly pulled back in a pony, pencil skirt, good boots, funky swing jacket, fun scarf – she looked great, pulled together, good.  “love her style” I thought to myself  “would like to look like that”

and that’s when it hit me – I used to BE that girl – put together, chic, well-groomed, fashionable, confident

30 or so pounds and several life-crisis ago, that is

well crap, it’s time to go back to being THAT girl

I have a closet full of fantastic clothes – great jackets, funky skirts, chic pants, cute tops – but all 2 or 3 sizes too small – this must change

Lately I have taken to wearing my lulu pants or jeans to work with a sweater or hoodie and my Chucks.  On the one hand, SO LUCKY I can dress like that at the office.  On the other, it has allowed me to become lazy and complacent and not make any effort in getting dressed in the morning.  I have become LAZY.  And COMPLACENT.  My mother would most definitely not approve.

I mean who cares, right? No one is going to see me, what does it matter?

Oh, it matters.  Believe me, IT MATTERS! I need to make that effort again, care about what I put on before heading out the door.  Be the girl people look at and say “wow, she looks GREAT!  what style!” I was that girl and will be again. Soon. I figure by the end of April I can get my act together, drop 2 sizes and be right back in my kicky skirts and flirty tops, feeling good about being ME.

Show the world the best version of me and then the sky’s the limit – there will be no stopping what this girl can do!

will keep you posted . . .

*the fact that the episode of Beauty Call that I filmed a few months ago wherein they (and Whitney Port!) called me FAT (I am a size 12 to 14) in at least 18 different ways on national television has NOTHING to do with this!

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I had a craptastic weekend

stupid bloody knee went out on me I lost track of how many times it hurts so bloody much and that other internal issue I am blessed with?  the one that rhymes with mendrometriosis??  yeah, THAT was a rocking good time Friday and Saturday nights, and the call that was supposed to come on Sunday never came and yes, my phone is working just fine thanks and Maggie has somehow lost her one and only squishy toy – yes, she has a box FULL of toys but only cares about the one that has mysteriously gone missing so she is being all pouty thus making me feel guilty about being a bad doggie mum

and we didn’t get Gracie and that’s because basically people suck and are dishonest and are just out to make a buck (or one thousand bucks)

so yeah, I’m whining and generally feeling sorry for myself and hating life and even the Oscars weren’t able to shift my mood because they were BORING – more boring than usual, and I know that red is supposed to be a dramatic colour and all but if everyone else is wearing red then it too is BORING!!!!

happy f^&#ing Monday to one and all

golly, but I am bored with life right now

frantic home improvement projects and hectic office crap aside, I am plain and simply BORED

I need something fun and exciting to happen or to look forward to

I need to fall in love or be wooed by a dashing new man

(ok, maybe NOT that, as that might make things a little TOO exciting complicated)

I need an exciting new project or job to focus on

I think I need it NOT to be January

I had one of those nights last night when I just wanted help.  I wanted to come home and have that third coat of paint already on the walls and the tape removed and all of my furniture and books and pictures and stuff back where it belongs.  I wanted dinner to be made and the wine open and poured and waiting for me and Maggie to have been fed and walked and my bathroom cleaned and the laundry done and the dishwasher emptied.  I wanted to arrive at home and be able to simply sit down on the couch, flip through the House & Home that arrived in the mail and enjoy said glass of wine in peace, knowing that I had no further responsibilities other than eating the prepared for me dinner and getting ready for bed at the appropriate time (sheets would already have been washed and the bed remade, natch).

This is not, sadly, how last night went.  I had to go to Home depot and pick up another gallon of paint for the third coat.  Then get home and negotiate my way through the obstacle course that is the 700 square feet I call home due to the painting and the floors to change from my professional outfit into suitable painting garb and then tarp the entire living room so as not to get paint on my lovely new floors and then start the actual painting, all the while trying to give Maggie the love she was begging for and trying my best (not always successfully) not to trip over her and spill the bloody paint and so then I yelled at her and she got scared and hid under the table so then of course I felt GUILTY and sad and inadequate and all that fun stuff.

With the painting finally done, I still had to feed and walk the mutt, find something to feed myself and get the dishes and the laundry and all that other crap DONE.  By the time I finally sat down to dinner  (which, by the way, was stellar given the very limited raw materials I had to work with: oven roasted cherry tomatoes tossed with penne, arugula and Parmesan cheese – delish!) with that much-anticipated glass of wine it was gone 9:30 and I was plain and simply tired. 

And tonight will be a repeat, albeit without the painting, as all the STUFF still has to be cleaned and put away and sorted.

It’s at times like these that I just want help, or at least someone to share the misery with me.

Please forgive the lack of posts of late – I am still battling this stupid cold/flu/whatever and it is seriously kicking my ass.   Kicking my ass to such an extent that I actually did take 2 days off last week.  Or was it the week before?  I can’t honestly remember, but on the day I came back, my assistant gave her two weeks’ notice and her last day is tomorrow.  I have not yet found a replacement.  Yes, I am panicking, but also living in that lovely state called DENIAL. 

And instead of simply being given the green light to hire a replacement (not only is she my assistant, she is also (and primarily I might add) the office receptionist and general admin girl), I have been asked to justify both her position and my own.  I fear that the company might be thinking “hey, this is an opportunity to save some cash!  Why not NOT get a new receptionist and simply have Kathryn do both jobs?? 

So I am spending valuable time away from my day to day tasks itemizing what it is I do all the live long day. I am seriously unimpressed, not to mention insulted that I am being asked to justify my existence.  My official role in this company is:  Office Manager, Executive Assistant and Compliance Administrator.  Yes, I am bloody busy.  (and yes I am taking valuable work time to type this entry, but I haven’t taken lunch in a while so 10 minutes isn’t going to kill anyone). 

So while trying to keep u[p with the day to day operations of the office today and trying to properly break down how it is I spend my time here, the following email exchange transpired: 

Me:  can you please send me the contact info of A. Smith, an investor in Company A 

Clerk:  there is no A. Smith in Company A 

Me:  is there any Smith in any of Company A? 

Clerk:  yes, there is an Adam Smith, an investor in Company A 

Me:  that’s what I am after, thanks DUMBASS*

Think I should use that as an example of why it sometimes takes a while to get things accomplished?

*did not in fact include the DUMBASS but man I wanted to!!!!!

today is one of those days that getting down on my knees and thanking God for the creation of Rose and ice-cream sandwiches seems like the most logical conclusion

followed by serious cuddle time with the world’s most amazing and beautiful and snuggly golden retriever

tomorrow’s Tuesday, right??