boys


and I’m not talking baked goods here – though cupcakes ARE delicious …

what I am referring to is the not so new but kinda new to my world trend of men leaving their fabulous and age-appropriate wives for much younger, and decidedly LESS fabulous, girls, hereinafter referred to as “cupcakes”

I spent a good deal of time this past summer at my parent’s home in Knowlton, Quebec – a lovely town about an hour south-west of Montreal world renowned for their Brome Lake Duck and home to more than one retired Canadian politician of note

It is a small-ish town in the way that everyone pretty much knows everyone or at the very least a little about everyone and it is very difficult to conduct any part of life “in secret”, let alone affairs.

enter the cupcakes

on 2 separate occasions I met 2 fabulous women in thier late 40’s/early 50’s – gorgeous, fit, intelligent, great mums, interesting, etc – all around FABULOUS

on both occasions I learned that their respective husbands had “traded them in” for new models – YOUNGER models – much less fabulous, not nearly as gorgeous, together, intelligent, interesting, etc – in fact the only thing I could see that these young things, these cupcakes, had going for them was their age – BOTH under 25

both men are in their mid-50’s

I had occasion to meet and converse with both cupcakes, one prior to meeting her predecessor and the other after – to say that I was underwhelmed would be a massive understatement – these girls had NOTHING to contribute to anything

and I sincerely hope that the men in question have mega-bucks because really? YUCK!!! I suppose if you had been with the man for 25 years already and had a couple of children with him and all that you would find him attractive, but now?  not so much – both are clearly a case of being rich enough to be good looking

and insecure??  holy man were these cupcakes ever insecure! one of them can be found pretty much every day between the hours of 1 and 3 sitting on the deck of the local marina, sipping wine, nibbling at her salad and “working” away on her Luis Vuitton wrapped laptop – being sure that each adn every person was sure to see that it was indeed a LUIS VUITTON warpped laptop.

ridiculous

and she was always alone, sitting at a table for 4, never making eye contact with anyone

sad really, and I would have felt sorry for her except that I had seen the emails she had sent her now-fiance when he was still somebody else’s husband

I know that there is absolutely nothing new or groundbreaking about what I am writing – the same thing has been going on FOREVER and will continue to so ling as men and boys and women are, well cupcakes.

However, it did make me think long and hard about my own, currently single situation – how does one compete with the cupcakes?  Not that I have or would EVER have designs on someone else’s husband, but if men in their 40’s and 50’s are really looking for girls in their 20’s, where does that leave me?

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taking a leap of faith here …

One of my favourite daily reads, Heather Hunter of “This Fish Needs a Bicycle” fame wrote this post about this post.  Quite something, no?

I was then reminded of a post of my own from 2 years or so ago.

The last year or so has been rather, for lack of a better word, tumultuous for me.  The on-again/off-again cycle ended rather dramatically with me winding up with a new puppy.  Have I mentioned that it was on the eve of my starting a new career?? And on that front, I have survived aggressive internal sabotage and come out on top. Not to mention the wee company I work for surviving the topsy-turvy world of the stock market. We are still here –  yeah us!

More recently my mother’s illness pretty much consumed my emotional resources and most of my time and energy.  But if I can take anything positive away from that experience, and I like to think that there is A LOT of things positive to be taken away from it, then it is this: do not wait for things to happen.

So in taking a page from Ms. Hunter, here’s an updated version of that post I wrote VERY tongue in cheek two years ago, though this time not so tongue in cheek.

To:  Potential Suitor(s)

From:  Me

Me, a single, 39 41 year old never been married and doesn’t want kids EVER woman, who may or may not have some serious control issues.  I live alone with quite possibly the world’s cutest and best golden retriever named Maggie, though she does have a somewhat irritating habit of throwing up randomly, and oftentimes on the bed, and she thinks that rolling in dead stuff is pretty much the best. thing. ever. Our new addition, Scout, is equally adorable in a rough-and-tumble kind of way, absolutely one of a kind. They take priority over EVERYTHING.  And there is no arguing that point, so don’t bother.  I maintain that I am a morning person, but don’t bother talking to me for the first 2 or 3 hours of the morning because I will not respond in a caring and positive manner (sadly, still very, very true).  You have been warned.  Food and I have an interesting relationship and there is rarely anything other than condiments in my fridge at any given moment (I Have changed a bit in that regard and try to maintain a somewhat stocked fridge.  Oh, hell, who am I kidding – even the condiments are not a sure bet!!).  Except for the $30 worth of olives from the WholeFoods olive bar (check!), or the 3 bottles of wine (and double check!)– I love to cook and am really, really good at it, but I also have to completely rationalize each and every morsel that goes into my mouth, hence the complicated relationship.  (Therapy has been wonderful) Again, you have been warned. For obvious reasons the section about meeting my mother and her eagerness to plan a wedding  is now no longer relevant.  That said, my father is indeed a lovely, wonderful man and is very direct with his questions.  Do not be afraid.  If you read more than the sports section, enjoy good beer, wine and whiskey (and bring same with you) and golf, you are pretty much a sure thing. Oh, but I do have fabulous hair (blond now, not brown) and shoes for every occasion imaginable, and even some for the non-imaginable (the collection has diminished, see Scout, above), and I have been told that I am fun at parties, though I don’t know if this is a good thing or if it is because I can do some incredibly stupid but apparently amusing things, but whatever, and? I can totally teach you the Hustle in under 5 minutes and am the undisputed champ of useless 80’s movie and music trivia.

If this sounds at all appealing …  (good therapist was found – maybe I should ask for a refund??) applications are currently being accepted.

Cheers!

I wish you were with me last night — went for tea with a friend  and the weekly meeting of the bitter divorced guys was going on at the table next to us (I say weekly meeting because I have seen the same group there at least 2 other times)

So funny, not to mention completely delusional — last night’s topic of discussion was dating and they are all convinced that they are God’s gift or some such – unless their wallets are disproportionate to their hairlines, they had better start re-evaluating their options! 

according to them all women over 35 are desperate bitches and not worth their time and the young and nubile 20-somethings are BEGGING FOR IT

seriously, better than television!

that said, if this is my dating pool??  GOD help me!

not very often do I come across someone else putting into words exactly how I feel; today I did:

a man who’d experienced pain at one point in his life. I needed someone who wouldn’t be reckless with my heart, who knew what it felt like to hurt. I wanted a man, not a boy. I didn’t want a man afraid of loss but one who wanted me out of joy, out of preference. And I needed to live that way myself, to find someone I wanted not just someone who wanted me. Things don’t change just because you hold onto them. They change when you let go.

busier than a one-armed paper hanger at present, so all I have is this:

lolapinkstripes

there’s worse things though, no?

p.s.  LOTS going on at present including, but not limited to the following:

naughty puppies, cute boys, fun dinners, excellent wine, holiday plans, retail therapy and a potentially exciting new project or 3

no matter how charming and no matter what he said or may say, he is a cheap-ass dog-abandoning poppy-recycling doorknob unworthy of your time and energy

ok, carrying on …

BOOK

My father has written a book.  A real honest-to-goodness book and it is amazing!!

Lots of people say they are going to write a book but few ever actually do it.  And he has and I am so proud of him.  When it arrived last week I burst into tears.  Was not expecting that visceral a reaction, but there you have it; I cried. 

He has had 10 copies printed for various people, myself included, to read and give him feedback.  I am in very good company – among others, he has a professional editor, a reviewer for the Globe & Mail, and 2 professors.  So far the reviews have been unanimous – a great story!

It is an historical fiction novel, loosely based on our family history – from Ireland to Montreal.  VERY loosely based.  As I was reading it at times I forgot that it was my father who had written it, and thought that that was a very good thing indeed.  But then his voice would come booming through or a story that I had heard in my childhood was woven into the tale, or a character was just so familiar, a lot like ME, in fact.

In the next few weeks my dad is going to give his book a final revision, taking in all comments and suggestions from his readers and then set about getting himself an agent to shop it around to publishers.  How amazing will it be when it gets published??

and then gets on the NYT Best Sellers list.  And then gets optioned to be made in to a film.  And Colin Firth gets cast.  And it is a HUGE success.  And gets nominated for an Oscar.  And wins.

Is it too early to start looking for a red carpet-worthy dress??

MOVIE

I saw Mama Mia this weekend and smiled my way through it.  A work of cinematic genius it is not, but fun?  Absolutely!!  Abba music just makes me happy and I seriously want to go to Greece and splash around in the beautiful blue water.  The Firth factor didn’t hurt, either … 

Navel Gazing

I try not to do too much of this but sometimes it just can’t be avoided.  I was out for dinner a few weeks ago to celebrate a good friend’s 50th birthday.  There were 8 of us, all women, ranging in age from 40 (me) to 54 (birthday girl’s sister).  Some married, some not, some in between.  3 of the women – married, well-off, seemingly happy, drank white wine and ate nothing more than a few edamame.  So THAT’S how they maintain their size zero figures!!  (there is WAY too much brie and french fries in this world to be enjoyed for me to get on board with that plan) Also, not so happy.  One of them, a real estate agent, married for 20 years with 2 children, 3 houses, and a closet full of designer clothes, has been sleeping with a new boy every week for the past year or so because she is “bored”.  She is now contemplating leaving her husband.

Another of them, divorced, 2 kids, great job, has morphed into the stereotypical “cougar” and was absolutely on the prowl.  She was one of the non-eaters and I have to say that once a woman reaches a certain age a little bit of weight in the face is not a bad thing.

Another of the women went on and on and on about money – how much she has, how much her husband makes, what their neighbours have, what they buy, what they will buy, what they want to buy, etc.  GROSS

(and she left early and only left $40 on the bill – guess who covered it?  yep, that’s right, ME!  the poorest in the group) 

I did have a good time – the birthday girl is a dear friend and a lovely and genuine oman and not like these others I have mentioned.  There were also other dear friends there whom I really enjoy and who are “real” people.

I got home that evening and just felt sad; a mite depressed actualy. But then spent some time seriously examining my own life and came to the happy realisation that I am happy.  My life is good and I don’t really have any major complaints.

Sure I would like to have more money, nicer clothes, more shoes, better jewelry, a bigger apartment – hell, my own house!  To be thinner and prettier would be great, too.  Also, I would like to have a wonderful man to come home to.  I would love to be in love again and to have someone to share things with. But still, I am happy now.  I have a very good life and excellent friends and 2 amazing dogs and a beautiful little niece.

So maybe on the surface those women look as though they have it dialed.  But do they?  nope

and my own life? pretty darn good

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