it has been 2 weeks since Scout became a permanent part of our family and so 2 weeks since someone, in addition to abandoning a puppy, after 3 years, summarilly dismissed me from his life

and I’m ok with that – most of the time

I will admit that there are moments when I burst into tears and feel like I will never be happy and that I will be alone FOREVER (these moments may or may not be fueled by red wine)

but then I remind myself about what an ass he is and how I deserve so much better – I deserve someone who adores me

what helps with this somewhat is the reaction from everyone near and dear to me – without exception they have been thrilled by this turn of events and, to quote more than one of them “couldn’t be happier for me”

I guess he’s not as charming as he thought

rationally I know that I am much better off without him in my life in any capaciaty (not to mention  how much better off Scout is to be living with Maggie & me), but that girlie irrational part of my brain misses him so much that at times it physically hurts

the difference this time, I think, is that we haven’t moved into the inefrt state of limbo where we have been many times before- this time it is really and truly over – and while painful for now, it will be best in the long term

there is a part of me that wants for him to want me back in his life, to tell me he is sorry and that he made a mistake and that these two weeks of not talking to me or seeing me have affected him as much as they have me and that could we try this one more time, this time for real

and maybe I want this to happen so that I can tell him to go f@$k himself or maybe I want this to happen so that I can say yes

he is coming by tomorrow after work to drop off the last of my stuff and I have a feeling that it will be the last time I will ever see him and I am really not sure how I feel about that