To confirm, I am NOT dead 

well not yet anyway … 

last we met I had had a near-perfect Sunday and was in a fabulous, nay pretty much euphoric mood, when the drama of the dress occurred and the week proceeded to go downhill from there – turns out the dress was in fact a full 2 sizes to small and no amount of altering was going to fix it – enter the fabulous ladies of Frocks: after my meltdown at the tailor’s (seriously, I was in huge teary mode and all the stress of various and sundry events of the past few months manifested themselves in the trauma of a too-small dress) the came to my rescue and I spent a good hour on Friday morning at their store trying on any and all dresses in my “correct” size.  I left their lovely shop with a gorgeous new (red) dress  (it’s the “Samantha”) and a full refund for what I had expended on alterations for the first dress and the difference in price between the two.  Seriously, these ladies should give a seminar of proper customer service; I cannot say enough good things about them. 

The night before the wedding was fine – hectic, but fine.  We got the flowers all done and, at risk of tooting my own horn seeing as I did the arrangements, they were GORGEOUS.  We even had the bouquets done up as the photos were being done pre-wedding so they were needed early. In an effort to keep the lovely bouquets – white calla lilies, pink snapdragons and white snowberries – fresh, we put them in the min-fridge in our hotel room. 

The fuckers froze solid!!!!! 

In my mini-fridge come Saturday morning were two gorgeous but very DEAD bouquets 

Good times 

Once the initial panic wore off I called the first florist I recognized (we were way out in the ‘burbs, read: out of my comfort zone) and explained the dilemma.  She did not have any calla lilies but offered to call all the other florists in the area and see what they could find.   

Nada – not a calla lily to be had in the tri-city area 


However, the lovely lady at Art Knapp did have orchids for me and so wired up 25 of those puppies for me – problem solved 

When I got back to the hotel room I realized that of course the orchids didn’t have any stems, ergo nothing for the bride and attendant to hold onto, so I did what anyone else would have done – decapitated the dead flowers and stuck the wired orchids into the old stems – voila!  Beautiful new bouquets and just in time for the photos!!  (after finishing the new bouquets I put them back in the jug of water to keep them alive, realizing of course afterwards that the stems weren’t , um, actually attached to anything …) 

Crisis averted the rest of the wedding went off with few hitches and the bride and groom are now happily on the first leg of their honeymoon 

I have, however, vowed not to attend or participate or in any way be involved in a wedding (other than my own if that day ever comes, which I seriously doubt, but anyway …) EVER again