As part of my self-improvement project I have joined a gym and signed up with a personal trainer.  This morning was my first session with the trainer and I had a fitness assessment. 

To give you some background, weight and body image is something I struggle with on a daily basis and something that causes me severe anxiety (hence my foray in to the world of art therapy).  I have struggled with my weight and with the need to look perfect and beautiful for as long as I can remember.  Logically I know that it is ridiculous, but whatever, I still struggle with it. 

I also have a very complicated relationship with food.  I love it, love eating it, love cooking it, love talking about it, reading about it, watching shows about it.  That said, I also hate food and what it does to me.  When stressed I tend to stop eating at regular intervals and wait for my blood sugar levels to drop to such low levels that I stop functioning.  When I am upset I binge eat, like entire Sara Lee pounds cakes and pints of ice cream binge eating.  When my heart gets broken, like it did last year, I stop eating all together and loose weight, like 40 pounds worth.

 Which brings me to my joining the gym and meeting with a personal trainer.  I have lost significant weight this last year, am almost happy with my appearance and need help and motivation to finish the job, so to speak.  Among other things, like measuring flexibility, core strength, cardio, etc., the fitness assessment showed that I need to loose 12 pounds and 5% body fat to fit the “ideal”. 

 So that’s my 2 month goal – 12 pounds and 5% – can’t be that hard, right?  We’ll see ……

Oh, one more thing, apparently I am about 2 inches taller than I have been telling people – I am actually 5’10.  For some reason this really amused me. 

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