The potentially humiliating or embarrassing thing I did the other night?  I sent an anonymous e-valentine to the man I am currently in the “limbo” state with this past month.  Why is this potentially so humiliating, you may ask?  Because it just is, that’s why.  Christmas was one thing.  Friends exchange gifts and if nothing else then we are most certainly friends.  Valentine’s day, however, is a completely different matter.  I have sent him little notes and random gifts through the mail ever since we have known each other.  No big deal, right?  But this was Valentine’s Day, not a day I personally put a whole lot of stock in but there is a certain stigma attached to it.  As I said before, we are kind of in a weird kind of limbo state in our “relationship”, and he was out of town on business this week, including v-day.  This actually made it easier for me — him being out of town took away any anxiety of actually doing anything together on the day.  Anyhow, I digress.

 So I waffled for a while over sending him a card through regular mail.  Decided against it.  Then Tuesday night, in a moment of sentimental weakness I decided to send an anonymous e-card.  I searched out the most obscure, yet stylish and cool, e-card site (Jimpix that I have linked) and sent it to his third email address, one that I never use and in fact I don’t think he even knows I know (he happened to send me something from it a few years back).  I also addressed it to him using a name that his family uses for him and his oldest school friends, but that I never use.  There is no way he can trace it back to me and he likely won’t think that it’s from me, given that my usual M.O. is to just send him stuff right to his door, accompanied by a lovely monogrammed note card. 

 So there you have it.  It’s not killing someone with last year’s shoes, is it? 

 And then there was tonight.  I had plans to go out with a few girlfriends to a gallery opening and then dinner.  I have been crazy-busy at work and have been out a lot lately so would have canceled if I could.  Instead, I went to a salon and paid someone $20.00 to wash and dry my hair (TOTALLY worth every penny!!), then went to the Holt’s cosmetic department and asked the lovely girl at the Stila counter to make me look less un-dead — did you know that they will totally do that?  And for free!!  So off I went to the opening and dinner and if I do say so, I looked HOT.  Great hair, great makeup, great outfit and lots of compliments and male attention and flattery.

 And you know what?  I realized that none of it matters if there’s no him

 He’s back tonight.

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