I know I will regret posting the following, but I can always delete it later.

I went to a wedding last night. Or, rather, the wedding banquet as the actual wedding was a few weeks ago. This was the first of about 6 I have this summer. I bought a great dress last week that will do for all 6 (all different people, thankfully) as well as a few other summer events coming up. Simple yet elegant black strapless with white ivy-type stuff embroidered on it. I already had the perfect shoes (another 90% Cole Haan off bargain from last season — black and white strappy sandals with a 3-inch wedge) and jewelry etc. so it was a no-brainer. The only problem is that with a strapless dress one has to be quite certain of the fit and it has to fit quite snugly so as to ensure that it actually stays where it is supposed to under many different circumstances (I have been a victim of the migrating dress at a very formal occasion and have no wish to repeat that, ever). That being said, this dress fit perfectly and I didn’t give it another thought. Until last night when I was getting ready to go. Running late (as usual). With no one other than my trusty little guard dog to assist.

Apparently I am carrying about 6 extra pounds this week, all in front. This will not be the case next week. Get it? Consequently I could not get the rather awkwardly positioned side-zip all the way up, unassisted. Cute and talented though she may be, Maggie does not have opposable thumbs. I did not have a plan “B”.

WhatthehellamIgoingtodonow????????

The only logical thing, obviously: zip up the dress and then maneuver it down over my head in a truly logic-defying, contortionist feat that I hope to never have to repeat. It worked. The dress went on and off I went.

The wedding was lovely —- a traditional Chinese Banquet for about 150 people. It was also probably a very good thing that 14 of the 15 courses were seafood, so I couldn’t actually eat anything, thus minimizing the risk of the dress exploding. I could, however, drink from my bottomless wine glass. Hence that rather foggy brain and voice today.

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